Snapshots from the life of a known human
Mr. Burns: Ah, my beloved plant. How I miss her…Bah! To Hell with this! Get my razors! Draw a bath! Get these Kleenex boxes off my feet!
Smithers: Certainly, sir. And, uh, the jars of urine?
Mr. Burns: Oh, we’ll hang onto those.
Jack of all trades
Roles assumed today: gas station attendant, stevedore, filing clerk, checkout guy, mail room guy…and my regular job.
- 1 bottle Havana Club 3 Anejo (Bacardi white rum is a fair substitute for Havana Club if you’re not in Cuba)
- 1 cup sugar
- 1 cup fresh lime juice
- 1.5 cups mint stems with some leaves (just get whatever they have at the grocery store that smells the strongest e.g. spearmint).
Mash the cup and a half of mint stems and leaves with the sugar using a mortar and pestle (machines grind it up too much, and turn the mixture a weird green color). The stems are the most important part. The sugar will liquify.
Pour the sugar-mint mash together with the lime juice and rum into a non-metallic container to rest for 2-4 hours.
Strain the mixture into bottles to store in the freezer. The mix is at its best for about a week (I think it’s better after a few days in the freezer), but will be very good for a long time.
To serve, use a tall glass. Add two jiggers of the pre-made mojito mix, crushed ice, and top off with sparkling water and a sprig of mint. You don’t need to put so many mint leaves in that it looks like algae. :-(
Be sure you use plain bubbly water, not the stuff with salt or sugar in it, i.e. seltzer water. The ingredients will say, “carbonated water.” ”Soda” water has stuff in it other than water and bubbles.
Come on Lisa, monkeys!
So I mentioned this really interesting article about sex research to my ex and this inspired her to Google a lot of “animals mating” videos. As usual, I phrased my response in the form of a Simpsons’ quote:
Lisa Simpson: Hey look. There’s a cyber cafe opening right here in Springfield. Will you take me dad? Please! I’ll show you how to order pizza over the internet.
Homer Simpson: The internet? Is that thing still around?
Bart Simpson: I know a website that shows monkeys doing it.
Lisa Simpson: Bart, the internet is more than a global pornography network, it’s a…
[Homer honks his car horn]
Homer Simpson: Come on Lisa, monkeys!